You never need to ask permission to be yourself. Go for what you truly want, versus what you think others expect. Let go of fear. Surrender to being YOU, and be amazed at the freedom and gifts you experience. This is core confidence.
…Are you afraid to stand out and give yourself permission to BE YOU?
…Do you downgrade your talents and feel uncomfortable accepting praise?
…Do you doubt your abilities and values and experience the “imposture syndrome”?
… Are you afraid to go for a new career goal for fear of failing?
…Do you compare yourself to others and define your success by family, friends, or colleagues?
…Do you constantly live in fear, experience anxiety, and worry about what others think, even though you know deep down what is right for you?
…Are you afraid to take off a mask, and live in shame?
These are questions that as human beings, we all experience. Often times we think we are the only ones to think these thoughts, and the emotions of low self-confidence. When doing so, we live in shame, fear, worry, and internal suffering. Confidence is one of my favorite topics because it is comprised of many facets; it comes down to mindset, and the relationship you have with yourself, and your beliefs, and the lens through which you see the world. The great news is that with conscious intention we can create a discipline to let go of self-doubt, and then come out the other side allowing ourselves to thrive and shine. It does not have to be a long grueling process, and through daily “micro-processes”, we can reprogram the brain and feel the joy, freedom and move through life and career with confidence, purpose and ease.
I spent a huge part of my life in self-doubt, fear, worry, and anxiety. I had a lot of unconscious, and conscious self-talk that “I am not good enough, smart enough, capable enough….or it is not OK to ask for what I need, it was not OK to be myself….or nothing works out for me, I don’t deserve happiness and success.” And so it goes on. It was through my own experiences with inner negativity, guilt, fear and many challenges thrown my way, from layoffs, sickness, divorce, and unexpected deaths, learning to manage my own anxiety and depression, that I developed resilience and grew from these experiences, versus being paralyzed by them. Most importantly, I became deeply curious about the facets of confidence and HOW people move through life, uncertainty and change with an ease and centeredness. I learned that confidence is a choice, and it comes from within.
I spent many years of unnecessary internal suffering, and that also impacted my performance at work, my relationships, and physical and mental health because I was paralyzed with self-doubt and fear. It came to a breaking point with my mental and physical health at an all-time low, that I decided I was no longer going to be a victim of low self-confidence and suffering. I pulled out all stops and became deeply curious about the unique facets of inspirational, confident, and purpose-driven human beings, and how they developed the discipline to build confidence and develop resilience in life, and work. I studied neuroscience and the mindset’s of inspirational people who exude core confidence.
The Facets of Confidence:
This is what I found over the past 12 years. Confidence is accepting where you are, not keeping yourself hostage to negative feelings and thoughts, giving yourself grace, forgiving yourself, letting go and making way for a new paradigm. Its about making the decision to move forward by shifting your internal programing. It is about letting go of what no longer serves, and surrendering to fear. When this happens, amazing things start to shift and the facets of confidence shows up like this:
…It feels like freedom, like being in the flow, like honoring every facet of the soul.
…It feels simple, rids itself of the “noise” that holds you back, and is the raw YOU
…It is clarity to be able to “see” things without negative emotion and taking things personally
…It enables one to have deep EMPATHY for other’s journeys, versus, judging them, which depends on being clear, grounded and centered in yourself
…It’s about freeing the mind of the spiral of thoughts and feelings that hold you back, so you are unaffected by what others say and think
…It’s accepting where you are, forgiving yourself, being in choice, and making the decision to move forward
…There is no need for over-compensation and showing up in ways like talking louder, “puffing our chests”
…It’s owning and accepting the fullness of you, and not feeling apologizing for it
…It expecting a positive outcome, and not being attached to the outcome itself
…It’s about being grounded in your values, purpose, and how you want to live this life
…It’s about letting go of the old stories, not tolerating them, and living in the present
…Its about making decisions from an empowered place and based on what’s true to you and your values.
…It’s taking the lead in life and live according to what you believe in, rather than what’s expected
The How of Developing the Confidence Facets: The Daily Discipline:
Through deep introspection, self-awareness, discipline and focus, I realized that confidence comes from understanding the relationship between thoughts and beliefs and how they impact mindset, our bodies, emotions, our thoughts, and the actions we take in life. I became deeply aware of negative thought patterns that held me back and kept me in a place of suffering. I started a practice of “hacking my mind”, letting go of old stories, creating new belief systems, surrendering to fear, and finding courage to ask for what I truly wanted, versus feeling I need permission to do so. I practice visualization and feeling when I am at my best, and meditation to quiet the mind. I became intentional about having a practice of gratitude, and celebrating little victories each day. This consistent discipline with structure helped to reprogram my brain, build a new muscle, enabling me to develop confidence, hope, and positivity despite the ever-changing world and circumstances.
This is daily ritual does not have to take a lot of time, and is about creating “micro-moments” of awareness through the day. These small increments add up to create huge positive impact, changes the cellular structure of the brain, creating a new paradigm of confidently living, and being. The most important thing I learned was that this is a practice that takes consistency and follow through so it becomes a habit. Through this work, I realized, I was “Relaxed, calm and confident.” I am grateful for the hard look at what I was limiting myself and was deeply honest about how I was holding myself back, versus blaming others, or situations that eroded my confidence. I can now experience a life and career with purpose, joy, and freedom because I have the confidence to ask for what I want, be myself, and take action on what I truly value in this life. It has positively impacted me physically and mentally, where I feel energized, grounded, centered, and confident most of the time. If I lose my footing, especially if I am triggered unexpectedly, or life throws a curve ball, I have the tools to quickly back to center, calm and confident knowing that I am capable of managing through with more ease, and that this too shall pass.
I became so passionate about the topic of confidence that it was the spark to become a career and leadership coach 12 years ago. As I found my path, I wanted to help others find theirs, and eliminate years of unnecessary suffering for others. I have been so lucky to coach amazing humans and leaders, as we all experience facets of low self-confidence and to be able to witness the transformation not only of myself, but of others.
You don’t have to go it alone and Facets Coaching would love to be your partner in the journey. Check out workshops, individual and group coaching on developing confidence at www.facetscoaching.com